Libbie, Four.

Posted on November 19, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

She’s 4, and she’s big but she’s little.

She thinks she’s plenty big to brush her own teeth (including putting on globs of oh-my-so-expensive-flouride-free toothpaste), get her own snacks (spaghetti noodles on the floor), cut and paste and paint to her heart’s content. (Mess. Oh. The mess.)

She’s a little schizophrenic lately. Some mornings she wakes up cheery, cleans up her bedroom before pouncing in our bed with a huge smile and curly bedhead. She’s happy to cuddle and read.

Other days – today, for instance – cuddles and hugs dissolve into screaming fits, temper tantrums, an absolute lack of obedience, provocation of the little man, and Mommy and Daddy nearing insanity.

Oh, Madame Strong-Willed Child. I don’t think your mommy was quite prepared for this journey. I am loving the sweet days we see now and then. I love reading and kisses and honestly, the painting and play-dough messes don’t bother me that much.

But the mean-spirited taunts at David … the absolute refusal to obey … the willfulness that makes you play through rest time each and every day even though you’re tired and we both know it … they make Mommy stop and wonder and cry and pray.

Will it always be a battle? Will we ever truly figure it out? Or is this is a parade to preteendom, never to end? Because in my impregnated, exhausted, mother-to-almost-3 state, I don’t have that much fight left in me.

A Wave, A Cask, A Bubble of Insanity

Posted on June 26, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

As I prepare to move in a few weeks and attempt to parent and be a wife on top of that, I’m going to be rerunning a few older posts and cutting back to three posts a week (likely one old, one new, one new recipe). Here’s one I wrote in September during an especially trying time.

Walmart's "Action Alley" Display Signs Feature Value and Convenience on Popular Shopping Items

I remember turning into the aisle at Wal-Mart just to recall that I had forgotten the diaper bag.

It was the first time I had ever left the house alone with my tiny baby girl. I quickly found that a carseat takes up most of the space in a shopping cart.

My heart pounded just trying to get the fragile girl into the carseat, outfitted properly, in and out of the car. Would her feet be cold? Would she catch germs at Wal-Mart? Each inch of her precious body, so newly out of mine. I trembled from fear and the new bite of November.

It’s a flash in my mind: that moment when I realized I had everything — my purse, the baby, a shopping list — except that vital brown-and-pink bag with her toilette.

I’ve never scurried through a store quite so quickly, praying that nothing would be expelled from a tiny bottom.

Nothing did, and I was safe. But it didn’t take long to ride the wave of insecurity about my capability as a parent.

_________

She screams and fights and stomps one foot outside the door when I say, “… if you come out of that room.” The child who is praised as polite and sweet as sugar is nothing like the one I face alone in our home.

I hate tantrums.

I look inside, trying to squeeze out the place in my heart that is to blame for all of this. Why oh why? What did I do to make her like this, so vehemently anti-sleep? What could we change?

And why doesn’t anyone else ever talk about their kids doing this?

I feel isolated, alone, in a bubble filled with fake cries, screaming, requests for more water more food more bunnies more blankets.

And heaven help us all if we forget to put on her socks.

I wonder if someday this will all make sense. If I’ll ever be able to stand on my own parenting feet without feeling the need to beg advice from anyone who will listen. Does it improve as they age, little casks of spirit ripening to the perfect vintage dose of confidence?

I hope so.

Curiouser, She Gets.

Posted on May 9, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

‘Curiouser and curiouser!’ cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English). – Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Life with a three-and-a-half-year-old is nothing if not completely unpredictable.

My friend Leslie told me recently that preschool girls have not developed whatever brain function tells them what is a big deal and what is not. Thus, everything is a TRAUMA OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. I don’t know if it’s technically true, but it sure seems that way, doesn’t it?

One minute, we’re having a meltdown about whether or not she can physically pick up six books and put them away. Five minutes later, she’s twirling in a princess outfit, sing-shouting, “See me dancing! Like a butterfly!”

I’m not sure exactly what I expected age 3 to be like, but here is what I didn’t expect: to hear “Mommy!” from the hallway yesterday while I was reading, just to look and see her naked except for socks, spreading her butt cheeks and asking me if her bottom was red.

Nope. Didn’t see that one coming.

Here is Libbie, at 3.5.

She goes through a new obsession every few days. Two weeks ago, Aladdin was her favorite movie in the universe. Last week, The Little Mermaid. Two days ago, I brought out My Dream Bed by Lauren Child, thinking she was finally old enough to play with all the fun pop-ups and tabs and putting the girl on a ribbon into her different beds. She’s asked to read it approximately 3,659 times since then and played with it incessantly.
Other favorite books: Yoko by Rosemary Wells, Princess Bedtime Stories, The Jesus Storybook Bible, anything involving Curious George, princesses, or Amelia Bedelia.
She loves to dance and put on dance shows. Especially to Bob and Larry Sing the 80s. (How many times can a woman listen to “Gourds Just Want to Have Fun” without her head exploding?)
She is going through a jealousy phase. Not just with David (although hello YES with him), but with anyone. If someone compliments her friend Amelia on her dress, Libbie will say, “Look at my shirt!” Anytime I ask David if he wants something, she loudly declares that she wants that exact same thing.
I love how she makes up words – mostly turning words she knows into verbs. She says “doos” instead of “duhs” (does) … and I don’t want to correct her because it’s cute. Yesterday she said the firemen have a “stander” on their truck they use to get to animals in trees. She also still calls Belle “Jingle,” and when/if she stops that, I will cry.

She climbs all over us, tries to lift David by his neck, incessantly asks for snacks and juice, picks out outfits that horrify me a little, and drives me insane … but she cracks me up, hugs without abandon, loves everyone, and is turning into a great little person.

We love you, Libbie-Loo!

The Freight of a Thought Train

Posted on February 21, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

We’re talking, kissing, and I let out that brief sigh that lets him know to ask what’s wrong.

Without pause to ponder, I tell the truth: “I can’t stop thinking about what an awful mother I was today.”

source: Minivan Ninja

He wants me to think only of us and right now, but a woman’s mind doesn’t work like that, does it? I always recall Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti—my thoughts twirling and spinning and twisting and running together. He’s sitting in one compartment, ready for the … well, syrup, the sweet times of marriage, and I am play-by-playing every minute of the day and getting farther and farther away.

I’m having a more and more difficult time keeping my cool with a 3-year-old on the loose. If just once she would agree to anything I offered. Not ask for things she doesn’t want. Stop fake crying 60% of the day.

I’m waiting desperately for a turnaround. I know yelling doesn’t help, but I do it. I know spanking has no effect on this will-of-steel, but sometimes I do it anyway. I know what she wants is my attention and yet one more whine of “I just need you, Mommy” is enough to topple me over into near-hysteria. I might run out of the room, lock myself in the bathroom, start singing an aria just to drown out the noise.

We have days that are so good it feels like water, a fresh stream through the hard rock my heart is. I feel relief, prayers of friends, smile big, tousle hair.

And then there are times like now, when she doesn’t hear what I say and screams the same thing at me forty-three times in a row while the fake wails continue and she clings to my arm and my ears hurt.

I know … it could be worse.

I know … I should be thankful.

I know, I know, I know.

But it’s still hard.

So dear, this is what I’m thinking that I can’t put into words in a five-second span. My thoughts don’t end, they pulse like the heart and course throughout the body. What I mean when you say, “Think about this” and I say, “I can’t.”

Grace Upon Grace

Posted on February 3, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

I’m trying to remember today that there won’t always be doctor-treasure-chest toys in the dryer.

No, they won’t be nestled there alongside lint and an empty food pouch. There won’t be a trillion chocolate cheerios decorating my kitchen floor. There won’t be Sid the Science Kid and Caillou, and I never ever will speak the name Elmo unless it is my choice.

There won’t be moldy sippy cups full of old milk, midnight dirty diapers, and inexplicable wailing. (Except, perhaps, from me.)

But there won’t be baby babbles and giggles. There won’t be blonde ringlets to pet and smooth, teeth bumps to soothe with Orajel and wooden rings, or awe over a cracker spread with peanut butter.

For some reason the last few days have been nearly unbearable with the three-year-old. The refusal to cooperate with Mommy and Daddy in any fashion has eaten me to the core. I’ve cried buckets … mostly where she can’t see me dissolve.

I’ve been meandering my way through One Thousand Gifts, and today I forced myself to open my journal back up after a week’s dust had settled on it. Firmly, with pen, I write

#48 a green plastic ring in the dryer

and then I remember the rest of the day’s blessings:

cheeks full of apple and happy baby drool

David so pleased with himself as he waves bye-bye

Libbie’s book-love …

He made it all; He gave it all; it is all good.

Libbie, 35 Months

Posted on September 26, 2011 by vanderbiltwife

I watch her as she lays face down, staring as the water goes down the drain, sucking up every last drop of bathtime. For a child who used to scream every bath because she hates water in her face, she adores the bath ritual. Today, Strawberry Shortcake and a lobster played a rousing game of Ring Around the Rosy, and I discovered Libbie’s favorite colors of the day were “gray, and orange, and yellow, and green.” Yesterday they were pink, purple, orange, and red.

Her ringlets are wet as we pick a bedtime book. I always pause when she chooses something I consider babyish; I enjoy the bedtime story ritual, and That’s Not My Monkey just doesn’t take very long to read. But it’s her choice to make, and I read what she wants.

One day I asked her if we could have a talk. She sat on her bed, and I sat on the floor, and we discussed something. Probably how she should be gentle with David, or obey Mommy and Daddy—the two things we repeat often. Since then, she wants to “have a talk” often. About what, she doesn’t know. But she gets that it’s a big-girl thing to do.

eating ice cream at Jason's Deli (mmmm!)

We’ve had a hard week. For some reason she seems to have reverted to her new-baby jealousy. She has not obeyed one single request in three or four days. If I ask her to go to her room, she screams and falls to the floor. If I pick her up, she hits or kicks. My days seem to be spent trying to keep my own anger in check and not fight back. Sometimes I succeed.

I try to focus on the rights: coloring a banner for the school’s big rivalry football game; laying in bed discussing what an uncle is; when she asks sweetly, “Mommy, will you read me the Bible?” The joy of picking out a few library books. A mini Mommy-date that consists of going to the grocery store and getting milk, holding hands.

She is wild, and funny, and infuriating, and beautiful, and selfish, and crazy, and loving, and huggable. And she’s almost 3. Each day she seems more like a child and less like a toddler. But she still can’t pronounce Ls.

I’m a mess of a mother, eking my way through and learning poorly as I go.

I think if we make it to 4, she’ll be a really awesome little kid.

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Food for the Freezer

Posted on August 4, 2011 by vanderbiltwife

Every now and again, I get the urge to stock my freezer with meals. When the urge comes, I am afraid to ignore it lest it never revisit.

After having it since its release (SHAMED!), I finally opened Survive Before 5, my cousin Tricia‘s ebook for cooking toddler meals. As I should have expected, it’s absolutely amazing. There are recipes for breakfast, lunch, and snacks; and Tricia thought of absolutely everything to help moms plan meals, cook them, and even let your toddlers help in the kitchen!

The recipes all show measurements for 1, 2, 4, or 6 kids; there are “toddler tasks” on each recipe card; and a grocery list, instructions, and labels all accompany the recipes. Not to mention sweet pictures of Isaac and Tessa, my cousins-once-removed. (Right? Never can remember the technical term there.)

I am really not an ebook person, honestly, and I don’t promote them much. But if you have toddlers and would like to have simple meals on hand that they will probably eat, you NEED Survive Before 5!

I am making a majority of the recipes from the cookbook along with a few other things to stock our freezer and deliver to friends. I thought I’d share our plan in case you’re searching for a good freezer meal to make.

(And yes, keeping the oven on all day when it’s 100 degrees is ridiculous … but I am hopeful this will save me from turning it on for the rest of August!)

From the ebook:
toddler french toast sticks
homemade spaghetti o’s
individual mac & cheese cups
corndog muffins
homemade cheesy rice
apple chicken nuggets
individual pizzas
homemade yogurt
peanut butter banana yogurt pops
peanut butter granola bars

And a few more things:
Batter-Dipped Chicken Sandwiches

Source: parentingmiracles.net via Vanderbilt Wife on Pinterest

Slow Cooker Jambalaya
Easy Taco Bake (ate one, one for freezer)
Carrot Muffins with Cream Cheese Filling
Bacon and Egg Biscuit Cups
Summer Vegetable Chowder (with kielbasa instead of hot dogs)
A pork loin recipe from How to Cook Everything

I am hoping all of this will fit in my little above-the-fridge freezer!

Have you done any freezer cooking lately? What are your favorite recipes for freezing?

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Quick and Easy Potty Training? It Worked for Us!

Posted on July 13, 2011 by vanderbiltwife

We are exactly six and a half days into our potty-training career. Libbie hasn’t had an accident since day 4. Now before you say anything:

Yes, I know she is not done with accidents forever.
Six days? I know I am not an expert.
Sadly, we’re experienced major regression in the area of sleep due to the potty success.
But seriously. NO MORE DIAPERS!

We are so very proud of our big girl, especially since on the afternoon of day 1, this is what I was Tweeting:

Libbie really is insanely stubborn, but I knew she was showing all the signs of readiness. She could go hours without having a wet diaper. She knew when she was going. She didn’t like the way the diaper was rubbing her.

Encouraged by a friend who recently had a very successful potty-training run using the e-book at 3daypottytraining.com, I took some tips from her and a lot of advice from Little Llamas’ Potty Training 101. (Much thanks to Amanda for sending me the link to Little Llamas!)

Here’s what we did, and I hope you’ll have the courage to take the potty-training plunge!

1. Wait. As Little Llamas puts it, wait for readiness (but not necessarily interest). Up until this point, our method had been to put Libbie in undies and see if she would go to the potty. She had gone a few times, but entirely on accident. Then we’d get frustrated and stop trying.

We decided to wait until she was good and ready—and until we got back from Disney World! Secretly, I hoped she would just get up one day and decide she wanted to potty. She really is that kind of child. But it didn’t happen. At 32 months, it was high time to undergo the challenge and she was mentally and physically prepared.

2. Reward. My best friend and I took Libbie to the store to pick out a reward. You want something that has multiple pieces (a set of cars, a Lego set, baby doll accessories, etc). We gave Libbie several choices and let her pick one. Libbie chose a play purse set that has necklaces, bracelets, a perfume bottle, a phone, and a lipstick. (Similar to this adorable cupcake one!)

Libbie was also allowed to choose a salty snack, a kind of candy, new panties, and stickers.

We set up a sticker chart. For every time she got any pee in the potty, she got one sticker. (#2 also earned a sticker as well as a piece of candy.) (It’s really weird to write a post about poop and pee.) For every 10 stickers, she got one piece of the reward item.

Dora the Explorer Potty Training Chart & Stickers

Often we reminded her, “Let’s get another sticker so you can get your phone! Only two more stickers to go!”

The first day, I would occasionally give her small rewards for being dry—things like an M&M or a baby puff (something she loves but is supposed to be just for baby brother!). Mr. V and I instituted something we think we should copyright, the Dry Five. We often asked if she was dry; and, if so, she got high fives from everyone present, including baby brother. Dry Fives all around!

3. Timing. For three days, I set the microwave timer to go off every 20 minutes. When it beeped, she had to try to go potty. Occasionally she was resistant, but we just kept putting her there. (She did wear a Pull-Up for nap and nighttime.)

4. Push Liquids. I know this is not what everyone wants to do, but it’s the path we took for the first two days. Feed salty snacks so that your child is thirsty. Let him/her drink a favorite drink. A lot of it!

5. Accidents. Every time she wet her panties, we expressed disappointment. We did not try to shame her or discipline her, just said, “It makes Mommy sad when your panties are wet. You need to let your pee-pee in the potty.”

6. The toilet-paper method. By the end of day 1, I was SUPER frustrated, because Libbie would sit on the potty, stand up, and almost immediately have an accident nearby. She hadn’t gotten one drop of pee in the potty.

I decided to try a new trick: placing a piece of toilet paper in the potty. That way, I could tell if it were even the teensiest bit wet. Quickly, Libbie caught on and squeezed a few drops onto the toilet paper. We made a HUGE deal about it since it was her first success and she almost immediately went several more times in the potty. Woohoo!

7. Commitment. Libbie did not leave the house except for brief stints in our backyard for 4 days. I left briefly one day to run to the post office, but Mr. V was in charge. Mr. V was also able to handle most of the David duties so I could concentrate efforts on Libbie. We were all a little stir-crazy, but it was necessary.

You can’t turn back, either. We started Day 1 by saying, “NO MORE DIAPERS.” We chose a baby friend to give them away to. Be strong. As I said, for us Day 1 was awful and I wanted to retreat back to the changing table. But as we progressed the payoff was totally worth the pain.

_____

I don’t want to write a book, so I’ll stop there, although I feel like I should add 100 more things! Again, I HIGHLY suggest you read Potty Training 101 at Little Llamas. I used a lot of her wonderful tips.

These are some books we had been reading for months as well that helped Libbie get some of the potty-training concepts:

I also recommend Gerber training pants, which are panties with extra padding in the middle; that way, if your child has an accident, the urine doesn’t get everywhere.

What are your potty-training tips?

Linked up with Works for Me Wednesday and Things I Love Thursday (because I LOVE not having two kids in diapers!!!).
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Guest Post: 10 Ways to Entertain a Toddler When You Have a New Baby

Posted on January 11, 2011 by vanderbiltwife

Thanks, Kelly, for another great guest post about having new babies in the house. Kelly is the author of MisKellany–and a friend of mine from high school! She is mom to Simon, 18 months, and a graduate student who lives in Mississippi. Kelly is passionate about green living and posts vegetarian Menu Plan Mondays each week.

It can be very tricky to keep a toddler entertained, especially with a new baby in the house and other things you need to accomplish during the day. Here are a few inexpensive ideas to keep your little person busy:

1. Get out some bowls, pots, and spoons. Let your toddler stir and pour dried beans on the kitchen floor.

2. Sit on the porch with your toddler while they pour water into different bowls and cups.

3. Set your toddler up on a stool by the sink. Fill the sink partially with water and dish soap. Let them wash plastic dishes with a washcloth or sponge.

4. Get a refrigerator box from your local appliance store. Let your toddler decorate the box with crayons and play inside.

5. Let your toddler build tupperware towers to knock over.

6. Strip your toddler down to their diaper. Put them in their high chair and let them fingerpaint on the tray with vanilla pudding tinted with a drop of different food colorings. (Yogurt also works, as evidenced by Libbie.)

7. Find some different hats in the attic, the coat closet, or the thrift store. Create a dress-up basket filled with different hats that are easy to take on and off independently.

8. Make some homemade play-doh. Mix 1 cup white flour, 1/4 cup salt, 2 TBS cream of tartar, 2 tsp food coloring, 1 TBS vegetable oil, and 1 cup water in a pot over medium heat for 3 – 5 minutes. Make it even more exciting with glitter or different scented extracts mixed in.

9. Seat your toddler at the table with crayons, stickers, and construction paper.

10. How do you keep your toddler entertained?

This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesday, Works for me Wednesday, and Frugal Friday.

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Top Ten Tuesday: Toddler Help

Posted on June 7, 2010 by vanderbiltwife

I try not to underestimate Libbie.

Yes, she is only 19 months old. But for several months, she’s been willing to “help” me when she can. It honestly impresses me what she can do! And every toy she puts away is one less I have to pick up off the floor (more and more important as I grow bigger with child!).

Here are 10 things Libbie helps with already. What chores does your toddler do?

1. Put things in the trash can. All we have to do is hand her something and say “trash.” She loves to help out this way!

2. Put her books on the shelf (or get us one to read to her). They don’t always make it back on the shelf perfectly, but she tries. We make her put a book back before she can have another read to her (thanks, Jeanette, for that tip!). [I would LOVE to do a Top Ten list of Libbie's favorite books. Unfortunately, right now there are only THREE she likes. So we read them a lot! Elmo's World: Puppies, Baby Loves, and Counting Kisses.]

3. Put toys away in a basket or tub.

4. Help sweep the floor. Well, pretend to do so. Maybe if she had a toddler-sized broom she could really help!

5. Get a diaper and wipes if she needs a diaper change. We don’t always ASK her to do this, per say, but if she really needs a change she will go fetch the appropriate items from her diaper bag.

6. Put her pacifier in her crib. Because she’s not allowed to have it outside of the crib. Sometimes she forgets that tidbit of information.

7. Dust. She loves to work a cloth over a surface. Before long, I’ll have her scrubbing the kitchen floor with a wet wipe!

8. Put laundry in her hamper.

9. Come when it’s time to brush her teeth. She needs a little help brushing still, but she loves the idea of it, and she will go right to the bathroom if I say it’s time for “teeth.”

10. Turn on the bathtub faucets without telling me. Oh wait, that’s not helping? She also likes to lock the doors so later I find them closed and locked … hopefully without her behind them. It’s a blessing our locks aren’t very sturdy.

Added to Top Ten Tuesday at OhAmanda.com

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