Another Adventure

 David is 10 weeks old today.

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I have two Monday babies, and the day Libbie turned 10 weeks old was my first day back at work after her birth.

I claim to love the baby time more than the toddler time (and I know that is swapped for a lot of people). But I also know I didn’t experience all the baby time with Libbie. I didn’t wrestle her to nap, change all of her diapers, or fish the pacifier off the floor 8,000 times a day (only 3,000 times).

Of course everything is already different, because I have a baby and a toddler. I will never know what it would have been like to be at home with just one little baby during her formative months. (I really am not bitter, just truthful, right?) But that is past. And now I feel like today marks the beginning of a new adventure for me: staying at home with an infant.

I’m excited to see all of his developments and firsts myself. I’m less excited to change every diaper, especially the blowouts. I’m excited to not spend two hours a day strapped to my breastpump. I’m less excited to have to schedule life around the naps and feedings of two children.

I wouldn’t give up staying at home for anything; yet, I still miss my job. I miss getting dressed and brushing my teeth every morning, seeing my co-workers every day, and being involved in some amazing Bible study projects. I was good at my job. A lot of days I feel that I’ve already failed abysmally in this new profession.

I sit here, blogging, with my baby boy snuggled against my chest and realize this is not something I got to do with Libbie. Our hours between work and bedtime were slim. (Plus David is just more of a cuddlebug.) I love it.

The stories of their infancies will be different. But both sweet and good, I surmise. Both tough, both filled with charmed moments.

As always, I’m willing to ride it out and see what God does with it. And I’m excited.
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Life with Libbie

Here’s a little sample of what life with Libbie has been like lately.

Yesterday, she dumped Italian seasoning on the floor, smeared diaper cream on her stomach, took a knife off the counter, and decided one of her dolls was named Rebecca–then Abby–then finally Tessa (after her cousin, Tricia‘s daughter).

Today,  she smeared glue stick on the couch, crumpled up my coupons, learned how to stand on a chair to reach things that are higher (while I was on the phone she figured this one out), ran into the BUSY street in front of our house, found some Mylicon drops in an old diaper bag and tried to open them to give to her baby (yeah, that one is definitely a Mommy OOPS!), and … was a perfect angel for a babysitter for a few hours. Of course.

At 18 months she was well-versed in the “no” part of the terrible 2s, as well as tantrums and disobeying. But it seems we have reached the true peak of the age, probably brought on by a little baby rivalry.

My friends say 3 is worse. I am scared.

 

I miss being just the two of us. I hate that she wants to crawl in my lap and David is already there and I have to choose him over her because, well, he eats from my body and she doesn’t.

I don’t want to rush time, because there are things about this age that are so darn cute I can’t stand it. But my patience is worn thin with lack of sleep, crying, hormones.

Life with two is things I never dreamed it would be. For more, please check out my monthly ParentLife post – it’s one of the more truthful things I’ve written in a while.

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Where’s the Line?

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I have never claimed to be anything less than an all-or-nothing person. I seem incapable to rest halfway. If I am good at something, love something, I cling to it. If I am bad, I tend to let it go. Like cleaning my house, for instance.

I feel myself tightly wound lately. Now that the baby is seven weeks old, I feel more like my old self physically and emotionally. (As much as I would like to look like Selma Hayek and feel like Julie Andrews singing “The Hills are Alive,” my old self will have to do.) When I got pregnant with David I felt like I was just starting to learn how to do this stay-at-home mom thing. I made the beds! I made whole wheat bread!

I want to do it all. I just want to wash the sheets, darn it. I don’t want to serve peanut butter and jelly for every meal. I want to do my Bible study, exercise, have the house clean, do all the laundry, go to playdates, clean off the top of my dresser, write thank-you notes, and not have frequent emotional breakdowns.

It seems that there are people who actually do all these things. Even people with small children. These are all good things, valuable things, and things I probably SHOULD be doing.

However.

I also have a small baby who hates being laid in his bed, a toddler who needs an extra dose of attention, and very few shared nap hours between the two, if any. I have freelance work that must be done. I have a husband to love on and oh, yeah, a need to sleep!

Where is the line, friends? What is “enough” to do? I feel panicked because I can’t do it all but with no conceivable notion of how to do some of it without feeling like I am going crazy looking at the mess and my body and a stir-crazy child. I feel at the other end is the defense: my kids are small and won’t be small long. I cherish them. Life’s too short to clean.

And yet, the ants won’t stay away with crumbs lining the floor.

What is the happy medium?

File this under: Another Confession about How Not Only Do I Not Have It All Together, I’m Pretty Sure I Have It All Apart.

(photo source)

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Please Tell Me This is the Terrible Twos, Six Months Early.

Ten things that have caused Libbie to have a tantrum in the last 4 hours…

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1. Shutting the refrigerator.

2. Not wanting to eat breakfast.

3. Me handing her a sippy cup of milk.

4. Not letting her play with the computer mouse.

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5. Changing her diaper.

6. Not going outside the millisecond I mentioned it.

7. Not letting her have a piece of bread at the neighbor’s house since she would not eat breakfast.

8. Daddy trying to kiss her good-bye.

9. Falling on her bottom in the dirt.

10. Not letting her have her pacifier outside of the crib.

All that said … there have been moments that have made me joyful with her this morning as well: her giddy clapping and grinning as we swang and sang at our neighbor’s house; her love for the neighbor’s cat Bo; her sweet hugs as she went down for her nap. It’s all worth it.

Added to Top Ten Tuesday, hosted this week at It’s Come 2 This.

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Impressing and Intention

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As a brand-new stay-at-home mom, I feel like I’m learning a whole new language. I’ve missed the year of sweet babyhood as I worked until my daughter, Libbie, was 14 months. Instead, I’ve been thrown into the insanity of having a toddler all to myself for ten hours a day.

The word intention has been screaming at me from every direction as of late.…

To read the rest, go visit my guest post at Impress Your Kids today!

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Top Ten Tuesday: Intentional Parenting and Inspirations

For at least two weeks, God’s been trying to get my attention about intention. There was this post from Amy Beth which I love insanely and have shared several times. A radio program called “Intentional Living.” Reading Impress Your Kids. And just all of these realizations about being at home now. For me, being at home has magnified how lazy I really am.

Remember my Top Ten Surprises about Staying Home? Apparently confessing my shortcomings has not made me want to battle them any more. I want to have a clean house, fresh laundry, nutritious meals, and never-ending patience–as well as be a good listener, helpmate, lover, and supporter to my husband. As soon as I look at all of these things in one place, my head seriously starts to explode, and I go check out Facebook instead.

I’m working on writing a guest post for Impress Your Kids about steps I am taking to be more intentional, but I’d love to know what your tricks and inspirations are, too! Please share them in the comments.

Here are my Top Ten people and things that inspire me to be a more intentional parent.

1. The Bible. Well, of course. Not only does regular Bible study help me keep focused on what is right and true, the more I read the more I want to teach Libbie. If she’s awake when I am doing my study, I will read to her right from my “big-person” Bible. She enjoyed listening to some of Esther yesterday!

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2. Impress Your Kids. Just go read it all and get back to me. I want to impress the Truth onto Libbie’s heart!

3. The Finer Things in Life. Amy inspires me to be a better mother, wife, and homemaker. She has a gentle, guiding spirit and it was such a blessing to get to meet her in real life! (If you are thinking about becoming a SAHM ever, you should read her Mommy, Come Home Series.)

4. Family Fun magazine. (Follow @FamilyFun on Twitter.) Chock full of great ideas for every age, Family Fun is a GREAT magazine for inspiration. I think I got my subscription for free at some point, but I will definitely renew when the time comes!

5. (in)courage. The (in)courage posts are not all, or even primarily, about parenting, but the amazing authors there encourage me to be better and MORE in all aspects of my life.

6. Twiggie Makes. Candace’s enthusiasm for life and love for her kids (and finding TIME to cook and craft) make me happy and ready to push forward! She’s amazing and has become a true friend.

7. Reading. I am trying to read more parenting books, but I think reading in general sparks creativity–and it also gets me off the computer! I have read some GREAT books recently, including The Stolen Child, Sonata for Miriam, The Book Thief, and The Happiest Toddler on the Block. (If you like to read and you haven’t read it, please drop what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and go read The Book Thief. It’s the best book I have read possibly ever.)

8. Disconnecting. I’ve found more and more lately that the way for me to focus is turn off the computer, TV, even music. I need the calm.

9. Playing. Just sitting on the floor with Libbie often gives me ideas of other things to do with her. I become familiar with what interests her and what she doesn’t like. Also the more I try to have “special time” with her, where I allow no distractions for myself, the better behaved she is the rest of the day.

10. Creating mantras. My attitude is SO much better when I go into a task repeating, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23) than if I think, “Why do I have to do this? Ugh, I hate housework.”

I hope this helps inspire you, and I would LOVE to know some of your inspirations whether it be for parenting, housekeeping, being a better spouse, or just improving yourself in general.

For more Top Ten Tuesday, visit OhAmanda.com.

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Top Ten Tuesday: SAHM Surprises

This Friday, I will officially have been a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) for two months. It’s certainly been an adventure already and not what I expected. This week, I thought I’d share the Top Ten Surprises about Staying at Home. For me, at least.

1. I’m still not a good housekeeper. Guess it’s one of those things. I thought when I got married, I would suddenly be a very clean person. Then when I had kids. And then when I became a SAHM. Well, nope. I still have to push myself to want to clean pretty much anything. If my freelance career ever takes off, MAID is at the top of the list of things I want! Until then, I really am working on it.

2. I don’t have lots of free time. When you’re on the other side of the fence, you think, “Oh, I’ll have TONS of free time when I’m not working!” Free time being time to relax and spend on myself. Um, nope. Blogging, freelance, and cleaning eat up most any time I have while Libbie is asleep. When she’s awake, there is no relaxation and no computer. There is only chasing of the toddler.

3. Libbie can push all of my buttons. I think this is probably a mix of us being together all the time and her reaching true toddlerhood. The last week and a half has been very hard with her. But when times are good, she’s very sweet and loving. It’s just not all fun and giggles!

4. There are days I think I can’t leave the house because I have too much laundry to do. Or cleaning. Or cooking. It makes me laugh that this thought even enters my head when two months ago I had a full-time job outside the home plus a commute! And a social life, since I had friends and all.

5. I am not stir-crazy. Mr. V really doubted my ability to be at home all the time without going insane. I’ve always been a little stir-crazy even having a few days off from work or something. But it’s not like I sit around with nothing to do! Occasionally I do get tired of the house and we go to the mall’s play area or the children’s museum–but most of the time I’m pretty content to be at home.

6. I love being able to cook things that take a long time. Homemade broth and bread have been on my to-do list for a long time, but I just haven’t had time at night to wait out the rising or simmering times.

7. I like having my bed made. My mother will attest that I have never, ever made my bed on a regular basis. And I still didn’t when I got married. But I’ve found that I love snuggling into a made bed at night and it doesn’t take that much effort to head in the bedroom at some point in the day and throw the covers up. It looks pretty and is more comfy!

8. I don’t know when to serve dinner. My dad always got home about 6 o’clock when I was growing up and we ate dinner right as he arrived pretty much every day. Mr. V usually gets home around 5-5:30 and has eaten a big lunch. So even though I feel like I should have dinner ready when he comes home, it’s not really a good time for him to eat. But then if it’s too late, Libbie starts to get really tired and hungry. It’s a conundrum I haven’t solved.

9. Sometimes I find myself taking to Mr. V about grocery prices or doing laundry. I feel boring. It’s weird not to have work to talk about.

10. I get mad at Libbie and yell sometimes. I have a quick temper and I hate it. I want to be a very intentional parent but I let my tongue get the best of me, often. I HATE yelling and know it’s not a solution. But I do it, sometimes.

If you’re a SAHM, what have the surprises been for you?

Top Ten Tuesday is being hosted by It’s Come to This this week. Go visit Mandi and say a prayer for OhAmanda’s Macbook.

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