What Do You Do When All Your Plans Fail?

259 - 17 September: The start of a long day!
source: darrenkw

There are times when I’m pretty sure the verse in Isaiah that says, “Make a plan and it will fail” was meant especially for me.

Short term and small things, like our Easter Week activities and this German food bonanza, both ruined by my own sickness. I seem to have a bad track record with Vacation Bible School: the first year we were here, I was struck with the mysterious gallstone or whatever it was. This year, strep throat.

And then there are the big things. Hey, let’s buy a house! Hmm, maybe that wasn’t the best idea we ever had. And in the meanwhile, let’s rent a house from a missionary … who has no idea about renter’s rights and brings me to full-out confrontation over some shrubbery. I was sure the second year Mr. V was at this school we would live on campus – we didn’t. It didn’t look at all promising for the third year – and then, a few days before school started, there we were, moving like crazy people.

We tried to have a baby, and that plan didn’t work for awhile. I wasn’t quite sure about having a second, and bam, there he was.

I’m not even sure why I make any plans anymore. I don’t, really. I mean yes, the day-to-day swimming lessons and coloring pages and trips to the zoo. But long-term? We’re saving money for a down payment. I half expect that economic collapse to really happen and to lose all the money we have. Cynical? Realistic? Pattern? I don’t know.

What I do know is that God’s timing has been right in every situation. I firmly believe we went through foreclosure so we can minister to others who have hit really hard times. I think David needed to be a little older when Libbie hit 3, so I could take care of her aggressive need for attention sometimes. Not to mention, I need those precious, early-toddler giggles, kisses, and belly laughs when I’m having a rough day.

I might regret making certain choices, but I try not to dwell on them, knowing that we can’t change what is in the past. We can only hold on to God’s promises for the future and forge ahead. Maybe every plan I make will fail. But it’s OK … because His won’t.

Learning from Years of Famine

dead plant crop
source: pete_pick

Joseph, eleventh of Jacob’s twelve sons, did not have an easy life.

You can read about it in the second half of Genesis, if you want. I’ve always found his story fascinating—OK, especially after seeing a high-school production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat when I was 14 … and most of the brothers were pretty hunky.

Joseph was hated by his brothers, sold into slavery, spent years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and lived in a country foreign to him for most of his life.

Despite all of this, Joseph came to glory and power: because of his God-given gift of interpreting dreams, Joseph saved Egypt from being destroyed through famine. And during this famine, he was able to wholeheartedly forgive his brothers for their part in his pain. 

I imagine the seven years of plenty in Egypt were pretty crazy for Joseph. Maybe some wondered if the famine would really come, as Joseph insisted on cramming the storehouses full of grain and goods. But he had Pharaoh’s backing … which in Egypt, meant he had it all. He married. And then he named his first son Manasseh.

Manasseh means “forgetting.” (It’s actually the same word used when Paul says “Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead …” [Phil. 3:13].) In these years of plenty, of new marriage and Pharaoh’s adoration, Joseph was able to say he forgot his past. Not literally, of course, but after years of turmoil he could put it behind him and go on without resentment.

Joseph went on to have a second son, Ephraim. Ephraim’s name means “fruitful.” Born during the plenty years, Ephraim was certainly an appropriate designation for the boy.

Then came the years of famine.

Only because of Joseph’s God were the Egyptians spared from what might have been obliteration. Seven years is a long, LONG famine. Can you imagine? I am sure Joseph looked around at those people, many of whom he was likely friends with or related to, and sighed a giant sigh of relief. All those years of pain saved a nation.

The International Bible Lesson Commentary says, “He has seen the suffering that God has prevented through him, and he knows that this suffering that God has prevented through him far outweighs any suffering he has ever experienced.”

Even though Joseph claimed through his son’s name to have forgotten Israel, I think if his brothers had shown up during the years of plenty, Joseph might have thrown them out. He was too close to the pain. The brothers’ faces that laughed at him as they tossed him into a pit still taunted his dreams, maybe. Ironically, Manasseh is a Hebrew name, while Ephraim is a much more Egyptian moniker. In a way, he still held tightly to Canaan and his hurt while claiming to forget those years.

Through famine, Joseph truly knew God’s greatness and His plan for Joseph’s life.

How many of us can say the same? If you’ve been around here for awhile, you know we’ve had our own famine years recently, ending (sort of) with the foreclosure of our Nashville home. Nearly three years of pain regarding jobs, homes, and our finances. Begging God to let me understand why He wasn’t working.

Not working? Hardly.

I am who I am because of the famine years. I understand so much more what it means to rely on God and lean on His promises. We, like Paul, know how to live with little. I found that my biggest transformation was my disregard for our “stuff.” I could pick up and leave with just my husband and children and be content. I’d like to have our pictures, but there is no “stuff” I don’t think I could live without.

In no way do I feel healed yet from the pain of these years. But I think one day I’ll be able to thank God for them and mean it.

In Genesis 50, Jopeph’s brothers are still scared he might be resentful after their father has passed on. But Joseph tells them, “Even though you planned evil against me, God planned good to come out of it. This was to keep many people alive, as he is doing now” (v. 20, God’s Word Translation). Can I even hope that God might use me to keep someone alive, physically or spiritually, because of my struggle? What an honor that would be.

Have you had famine years in your life? What did you learn?

Five Minutes on Identity

It seems that I’ve spent a lot of time lately typing words into this box and feeling like they’ve turned up nonsense.

More than ever in the past few months I’ve felt that I’ve labeled myself a writer. I have a fairly established freelance career, at least with my former employer. I write for magazines; I write here and on ParentLife; I’m pretty sure that makes me a writer. Not to mention, in my deepest core I know that writing is my passion that intersects with God’s work.

It’s my sacrifice of praise.

But lately, it’s all garbled. I’ve tried to write about blogging. I’ve tried to write about His Word. I’ve tried to write about my kids. And it all comes out confusing and confused.

I write so little that I don’t publish, you might be surprised to discover. I am not a write and edit for hours person. I write; I proofread; I publish. Generally this takes me an hour or so, maybe. Maybe 20 minutes.

Thus what you get here is my natural writing voice, not something carefully constructed with diction and proper punctuation. And when my voice fails to be clear?

I don’t know what to do. I feel a little lost. I will try and edit … but if it didn’t work the first time, it’s rare that I can form it into something that makes sense.

I, of course, have some deep concerns what this might be telling me. Ones I don’t really want to face.

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Well. Always interesting to see what comes out in five minutes. I don’t think it’s a mistake that the song playing on my random Spotify “radio channel” right now is “Let Go” by Matt Hammitt (from an album I am obsessed with currently).

Five Minute Friday: Real

I’ve thought about turning 30 entirely too much. Enough that it’s become more of a milestone than it is. I have two children, a nearly 8-year-old marriage, a writing career. It makes sense that I would be well into adulthood.

But it still feels strange.

I feel a little worn. More and more OK with the fact that I’ll probably never wear a size 2 or even a size 8, maybe. OK with my frizzy hair and overgrown eyebrows and even OK with my crazy back and its healing process.

I am Beloved–by my sweetheart, by my kids, by my dear friends, by my mom and dad and sister and scores of relatives, and most of all, by my Maker.

At almost-30, I am finally getting the Whole of the Gospel, that it’s so little about me and so much about God and His love and His work. I am vapor. And that’s OK.

Rubbed a little raw inside. Belly stretched from two babies’ growth inside. Freckles. Gray hairs.

Maybe, like the Velveteen Rabbit, I am Real now.

 

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Sometimes on Fridays I write along with others for just five minutes, letting all the words spill out and refusing to edit them. This week’s topic was “Real.”

Fragrant Offerings

I confess I find it the easiest to count God’s gifts on quiet afternoons, when everyone is asleep but me and I can hear Him, smell Him, taste Him in my little home.

It’s Saturday, nearly 6 o’clock, and the kids and I are at my sister’s apartment in Memphis. Wine-drizzled chicken tenders seasoned with garlic powder and Italian seasoning are fragrant in the oven. Rice simmers gently on the stovetop. Libbie curls on the couch, her posture defying her insistence that she was not tired, no way.

We spent four hours at the Memphis Zoo, soaking up sunshine and sweating in the 80-degree weather while we viewed chimps and pandas and bats. David tried to talk to a lion. Libbie marveled at tigers, jumped back from a too-close monkey, and – well – whined through a few exhibits of grizzly bears and wolves.

On an afternoon like this at home, I would feel the need to right all the things in wrong places, to scrub the counter and launder the laundry. But here, I just think, quiet only interrupted by beeping microwave timers and the hum of the air conditioning.

I need gift-collecting time like this; but this is not life for me right now.

Having two toddlers means dirty dishes, crumbs on the floor, mislaid crayons, towers of tiny t-shirts and towels shaped like frogs. Having a three-year-old means near-constant corrections, being climbed upon when I’d rather be reading, tears in the bathtub, and hearing “no” more times in a day than I ever could have imagined.

I love this quote from Lysa TerKeurst in her book What Happens When Women Say Yes to God:

How selfish of me to call our home “my house.” How ungrateful I must have seemed to God. I could have a near and tidy house where things never got lost, misplaced, or broken if there were no others living there but me. But my heart never wanted just a house. My heart longs for a home full of people who I love.

I would almost certainly still manage to lose and break things if I were alone, but that’s another story. Still, Lysa makes the perfect point. My heart longed for a home full of children, and that is what I have. It’s not going to make the pages of Better Homes and Gardens anytime soon … but I will use it to its purpose: the service of my families and others. The spreading of love and hugs. The cooking of food for us and for sharing.

The gifts are simple to count in the quiet … but they are just as present in the chaos.

Gift-remembering:

  • Nana and Libbie dancing in tutu
  • Shopping with my mom without kids – a very rare treat!
  • David’s face and giggles at “I’m coming to get you!”
  • Praise from a mentor
  • The smell of chicken cooking in wine
  • An auntie painting her niece’s toenails and fingernails
  • Libbie’s look as the airplane lifts off at the Memphis children’s museum
  • David “vrooooming” a toy bulldozer
  • Cooking in silence
  • Happy squeals at seeing Daddy
  • Unexpected DVD that feeds my musical-love (Sarah Brightman with 5 Phantoms? Oh yes, please!)

Saturday Linky Love

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Has it really been three weeks since I did a Linky Love post? April has flown right by. I can’t believe it’s practically May. Also known as THE MONTH I SHALL MAKE AN UPROAR ABOUT TURNING THIRTY.

Here’s what I’ve read lately that I think you should read, too.

I would love if you’d go read my guest post for this month at ParentLife. It’s about how parenting prepares you to do other scary things.

Did you read or write anything great lately? Leave the link in the comments!

Added to Saturday Stumbles at Simply Staci.

A Satisfying Life

I love the New Living Translation. If you feel like the Bible is a bunch of gibberish, you should really try reading the NLT. While it may not be as accurate to the original text as other translations, I feel like it makes the Word so very clear.

Yesterday afternoon I read about Abraham’s death during a few quiet moments. Not much is said about it, except that he was 175 years old and had remarried and had other children. But in the NLT Genesis 25:8 says Abraham died “at a ripe old age, having lived a long and satisfying life.”

A satisfying life. Isn’t that what we all want? I don’t want to be rich or famous. I don’t even want to be skinny or more beautiful or have unbitten fingernails. I want to be satisfied with myself and my life.

I love what Matthew Henry’s Commentary says on these verses from Genesis 25: “Whether our stay in this life be long or short, it matters but little, provided we leave behind us a testimony to the faithfulness and goodness of the Lord, and a good example to our families.”

I recently discovered that as an INFP personality-type, I am a “healer.” I want to make everything better all the time. I want to answer every question people ask on Facebook or Twitter. I want to feed everyone, because I think it will make them happy. And I live in frustration with myself because I feel like I’m not changing the world, doing good for mankind.

Unsatisfied.

I focus on all the things I do wrong in parenting instead of what I do right.

Unsatisfied.

I look at my body and come away with disgust, hating myself for doing what I shouldn’t do.

Unsatisfied.

Here is what I do right: I open my Bible and read it and pray. I gather my kids on my lap and read them stacks of books. I tell the honest truth to my friends (and anyone who might listen) about being a parent, a wife, and a Christian. I admit failures. I drink water. I choose playing outside over doing the dishes. I nurse my baby because he still wants to. I keep in touch with my family members. I love with abandon.  I try to make crafts. I color. I make silly faces and make up silly songs.

All in all, right now, I feel pretty darn satisfied. Am I leaving a legacy? Doing what God wants me to do? Setting an example for my family? Time will tell, I suppose. I choose to believe that I am getting there.

I hope when I’m “gathered to my people,” like Abraham, I will have lived a long and satisfying life.

Celebrating Holy Week with Toddlers & Preschoolers: Day 3, The Last Supper

We started talking about Passover and its history on day 2. Libbie and I read about Pharaoh, the ten plagues, and the exit of the Israelites from Egypt in the Jesus Storybook Bible (which I found! yes!). Then we made matzah bread.

Now we’ll move on to talking about the Last Supper, where Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples. Then we will talk about Peter’s denial being predicted and how Peter denied Jesus three times.

Read “The Servant King” from the Jesus Storybook Bible

For David (toddler): read The Story of Easter

Talk about Peter’s denial – read Luke 22:54-62 from the Bible

Make two “Remember” canvases – one with the cup and the bread and one with the rooster

Start making preparations for “Hooray, Jesus is Risen!” party tomorrow.

Last Supper Playlist:

Remember Me from Mark Schultz (Mark Schultz)
Communion from Wherever You Are (Third Day)
Taste and See from Hide Em in Your Heart Worship (Betsy Hernandez and Steve Green)
This Is My Commandment from 25 Favorite Sunday School Songs (Veggie Tales)
Praise and Thanksgiving from Wee Sing More Bible Songs
Bread of Life from Your Grace Is Enough

Celebrating Holy Week with Toddlers & Preschoolers: Day 2, Anointing and Passover

See day 1 here: Palm Sunday / Hosanna!

Day 2: Jesus anointed / prepares for the Last Supper

Note: The anointing of Jesus’ feet by Mary of Bethany actually happened before Palm Sunday.

Read Jesus’ anointing from The Jesus Storybook Bible

Color pictures in The Gigantic Coloring Book of Bible Stories

Make reed diffusers to place around the apartment

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Make matzah

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Talk about Passover, why it was celebrated, read Exodus story from children’s Bible

Do Easter egg hunt where one of the eggs has a piece of matzah in it. Parallel breaking bread to breaking of Christ’s body. Whoever finds the matzah egg gets a quarter for their piggy bank!

If more time: make salt dough and let kids play with it, “making bread”

Anointing/Passover Playlist

(yes, this is a lot more random than yesterday’s, but the topic was a little more difficult!)

Celebrating Holy Week with Toddlers and Preschoolers: Day 1, Palm Sunday

My kids are on “Spring Break” this week from their Mother’s Day Out program. The public schools are out, too, but my husband’s private school was on break two weeks ago.

What does that mean for us? Playgrounds and museums are going to be uber-crowded, and I will be home alone with my kids all week.

I have a difficult time functioning without a plan; I am not the kind of mom who can put crafts together on the fly, usually. So here I am outlining my plans to celebrate Holy Week with my kiddos (a 3.5-year-old and a 15-month-old). Libbie (3) and I may do a lot of this while David is asleep, honestly, because he is just not old enough to do crafts yet. I will do my best to have him listen to storytime!

Palm Sunday: Hosanna
source: entheos

Monday: Hosanna! / Palm Sunday

“Jesus Enters Jerusalem” pictures from The Gigantic Coloring Book of Bible Stories

Read from the Jesus Storybook Bible (Libbie)

“Jesus Rides a Donkey” from The LullaBible Storybook (David)

Make Palm Palms and Dance!

 

Hosanna Playlist:



Are you doing anything to celebrate Jesus with your kids this week?

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