I’ve cried a lot of tears over Chattanooga. Enough that my husband has asked me periodically if I wanted him to try to find a job back in Nashville. I think he’s mostly kidding or at least expects me to say no – although I don’t doubt he would try if I truly wanted to go back.
But my heart hurts for friends. I have lists of excuses. Everyone else here has their whole extended family. Everyone else grew up here. Obviously they don’t need me. They don’t need new friends.
But deep down I always feel like it’s just me. That I’m not good enough.
It took me a lot of years to feel like I had true friends in Nashville, and I miss them. I miss the camaraderie and Chili’s girl’s night out and sharing secrets and hopes and baby wishes and babies formed and born. I miss those new-bride friends, all of us unsure in our roles and making our way in life and marriage.
Finally – FINALLY – the last few weeks I feel like I’m starting to find my place here in this Scenic City. I’ve made a very good friend, one who is broken like me and not scared to admit it, who also happens to have a 4-year-old daughter whom Libbie loves.
I’m connecting more with people – a sweet blogging friend who’s become a close, real friend; some women who also live on this crazy campus. I’m realizing maybe the closest friends won’t be found where I expected to uncover them.
My soul thirsts for friendship and it’s starting to not be quite so parched. I’m refreshed.
This week, Lisa-Jo asked for five minutes of writing on “friend” in honor of the (in)courage in real life meet-ups taking place this weekend. I’m excited to go to our local meet-up at Robin‘s house tomorrow!