Five Minute Friday: Friendship

Posted on April 26, 2013 by vanderbiltwife

I’ve cried a lot of tears over Chattanooga. Enough that my husband has asked me periodically if I wanted him to try to find a job back in Nashville. I think he’s mostly kidding or at least expects me to say no – although I don’t doubt he would try if I truly wanted to go back.

But my heart hurts for friends. I have lists of excuses. Everyone else here has their whole extended family. Everyone else grew up here. Obviously they don’t need me. They don’t need new friends.

But deep down I always feel like it’s just me. That I’m not good enough.

It took me a lot of years to feel like I had true friends in Nashville, and I miss them. I miss the camaraderie and Chili’s girl’s night out and sharing secrets and hopes and baby wishes and babies formed and born. I miss those new-bride friends, all of us unsure in our roles and making our way in life and marriage.

Finally – FINALLY – the last few weeks I feel like I’m starting to find my place here in this Scenic City. I’ve made a very good friend, one who is broken like me and not scared to admit it, who also happens to have a 4-year-old daughter whom Libbie loves.

I’m connecting more with people – a sweet blogging friend who’s become a close, real friend; some women who also live on this crazy campus. I’m realizing maybe the closest friends won’t be found where I expected to uncover them.

My soul thirsts for friendship and it’s starting to not be quite so parched. I’m refreshed.

STOP.

This week, Lisa-Jo asked for five minutes of writing on “friend” in honor of the (in)courage in real life meet-ups taking place this weekend. I’m excited to go to our local meet-up at Robin‘s house tomorrow!

Adopting Twins, Part Two

Posted on December 4, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

Way back in March, I told you about my friend Ashley. She, her husband Cameron, and their three beautiful children are “expecting” two new family members through adoption.

Chloe and Eli have spent their lives in an orphanage in the Democratic Republic of Congo. And shortly, Ashley and Cameron will be traveling to bring their children home. I can’t wait to see them running around the church!

The Smalleys started the adoption process for the twins in March of 2012. Yeah, like, only 9 months ago. And with everything proceeding like it has, they will go and get them next month. That’s a total of 10 months that they’ve had to raise the money to adopt TWO children internationally.

It’s come to about $50,000.

What’s incredible is that they’ve raised so much of it already! But they still need about $12,500 to cover their travel expenses, visas, and final fees. It seems a little daunting considering everyone is stretching their budget around Christmas.

I’d ask you, friends, to consider donating $5 or $10 to their adoption efforts. For most of us, this is a fast-food meal or a couple cups of coffee. If it is a big deal in your budget, please send prayers!

You can give easily by going to this page and clicking on Give Now, and it will be tax-deductible. Or if you prefer, you can donate directly on PayPal using the button below.

Pizza Party and Pumpkin Painting with #flatoutpizza

Posted on October 18, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

Earlier this week I was excited to throw a pizza party on our back patio. We live in a dorm on a high-school campus; but right behind our apartment is this lovely brick patio. And check out the view!

So we gathered a bunch of our on-campus friends and tried out the new Flatout Bread Thin Crust Flatbreads. They come in three yummy varieties: Spicy Italian, Rustic White, and Heritage Wheat.

Apparently the Spicy Italian is no joke. I was warned it really was quite spicy. I stayed far away from it, but my friends gobbled it up!

To make pizzas, you prebake the flatbreads for 3-4 minutes. Then add toppings and bake for another 4-5 minutes or so.

So as party prep, I prebaked. Even with it being an hour until they went in the oven, the flatbreads were still just right when they came out! Nice and crispy. I provided a whole bunch of cheeses, sauces, and toppings and let everyone go to town. (That’s my homemade pizza sauce. And that pesto, while not quite as good as homemade, was really excellent!)

I thought those were jalapenos. They weren’t. I think they were serrano chiles. I about killed my husband with them. Oops.

Everyone agreed that while the flatbreads made for a different pizza experience, you could really taste the flavor of the toppings. Everything I set out was devoured, so I think that makes for a good party! Here are our creations.

Mother and daughter! Daughter had just cheese. Mom had mozzarella, herb feta, olives, tomatoes, and mushrooms. The kind of thing we never get to eat at home because of the kids!

My husband’s on top: mozzarella, feta, pepperoni, tomatoes, chili peppers. Friend’s on bottom: fresh mozzarella, mushrooms, and pineapple. An exotic combo!

I thought this was cute. A husband and wife picked almost exactly the same things without knowing. Pesto, fresh and shredded mozzarella, pepperoni, and tomatoes. His just had mushrooms.

My beautiful creation: pesto with fresh mozzarella, herb feta, and a little bit of olives on Harvest Wheat. Perfect!

I was too busy eating to take pictures of Round 2, but I think the boys went to town on the BBQ sauce and everything else. Almost everything was gone by clean-up time!

My theme was Halloween Party, so I added a few seasonal touches.

We also let the kids do pumpkin painting. I had intended for them to make really adorable Tiger pumpkins with felt ears and pipe-cleaner whiskers. But once they got ahold of the paintbrushes they just went to town. Oh well.

(Libbie did start by TRYING to paint stripes on her pumpkin!)

We really had a blast and everyone loved the pizza. Stay tuned – next week you’ll have a chance to win your own #flatoutpizza prize pack and a $50 gift card to Wal-Mart so you can have your own party!

Thank you to theMotherhood, Flatout, and Wal-Mart for sponsoring our party. While this is a sponsored post, all opinions are my own.

Vacation and a Wedding

Posted on July 26, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

Despite the crazy circumstances leading up to our vacation/wedding trip to the Outer Banks, I think I can file it away in my memory as pretty fabulous.

I got to see my little ones see the ocean for the first time, to dip their toes in the water and dig up sand with their hands and shovels. Libbie got great kicks out of waiting by the water until the wave rolled in and then scurrying away from it up the beach. Her leg muscles are obviously in much better shape than mine!

I always enjoy seeing my parents and my sister love on the kiddos. The kids love it, too! They adore Nana, Poppy, and “Ashy-Roo.”

I was amazed at how much Libbie loved exploring the historical Roanoke Island site we went to. I wasn’t sure I would be able to drag her off the ship!

And to top it off, I got to be in the wedding of my very best friend, my soul sister, and get reacquainted with friends from college. We’ve vowed to not let it be so long between visits the next time!

Somehow, I have no pictures of me in my bridesmaid’s dress! I thought it was quite pretty and I loved my hair and make-up.

This week we’ve been in recovery mode, I think, from all the travel and moving. I am flat-out exhausted. As soon as I pull this apartment into shape, though, I’ll share pictures – especially of Libbie’s precious pink butterfly room.

Make Love Happen

Posted on July 3, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

I’m reposting this from September 2009 to see if anyone’s met their spouse in the last almost-three years or has a new online dating story they want to divulge. I hope you’ve never been as stupid as I was at 17.

This past Saturday, Mr. V and I invited a few of his fellow teacher-friends over to our (basically unfurnished) house in Chattanooga. He had connected with some of the other new teachers at a conference they all had to go to in July, and he was eager for me to meet them.

Being old and married, I had to giggle when the conversation turned to something I am completely unfamiliar with: online dating sites. Apparently there are more than I had ever dreamed of—not only match.com and eHarmony, but also okcupid and plentyoffish and christiancafe, just for starters.

It made me very thankful to be married. Mr. V’s friends repeatedly told us that we were very lucky to not have to be dating, and I wholeheartedly agree.

Many, many moons ago, online dating was just a spark in someone’s head and meeting people from the Internet almost assured you’d be found somewhere dead, cut into pieces, and stuffed into a shoebox.

Which is why what I am account to you is one of the stupidest things I’ve probably ever done.

One of my best friends in high school, Cynthia, and I worked together in an aftercare program at the daycare at our church. One day she came in and said that she was going to get together that night with her Internet boyfriend and she wanted me to come along. Her guy would invite a friend for me.

It was a little daunting, but we would drive separately and meet them in a public place, so how bad could it be? Plus I had had a sum total of maybe two dates all of high school. So, I mean, really.

So we went to wherever we were meeting them, and they were going to follow us to the movie theater. Which is when we noticed that one of the tires on my car was nearly flat.

Oops.

So Cynthia and I let them drive and we all went together. In a car. With guys from the Internet. (My dad may kill me for this NOW, 11 years later.)

The sad part is, it was fine. And I really liked the guy they set me up with. And he never called me again.

Not even guys from the Internet liked me.

But now, I’m happily married, and I hope that guy is looking for dates on RednecksConnect or something.

I wonder if, 20 years from now, everyone’s parents will have met on the Internet. There won’t be as many cute, saw each other across the room stories. But it is interesting, people connecting (somewhat) for personality more than looks. (Maybe? Again, I’ve never done any online dating site stuff.)

I have to know: Have you ever met someone from one of these sites? Your spouse? Spill!

New-City Friendships

Posted on April 27, 2012 by vanderbiltwife

Because it seems that five minutes is all I’ve had this week, despite my mom being there for most of it … I’m joining in with Five Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama this week and writing on COMMUNITY.

My sweet Nashville friend Amelia – and our baby boys in utero

START.

It took me at least three years to feel any sense of true community in Nashville. To make some friends whom I could call at a minute’s notice. When I found out we were moving to Chattanooga, I couldn’t help but feel sick to my stomach. Would I ever make friends again? When it took so long in this, my first post-college experience?

[Just a side note to say no, my kids cannot leave me to write for even 5 minutes today. Or 5 seconds. Libbie is sitting on my feet.]

I’ve made scattered acquaintances here and there in Chattanooga. Church friends, MOPS friends, Moms Club, and – strangely? or not? – blog friends.

It’s amazing, in this life called blogging, that we feel more connected to women across a computer screen than we do to people in “real life” sometimes. Sara came over last week with her 4-year-old and baby, and we talked for hours. Tiffany has become probably my best friend here in this city, foreign to us both. Someone to share 3-year-old perils, pregnancy woes, outing ideas.

When Tiffany was put on bed rest a few weeks ago, she sent me an email and asked if I could bring her some dinners. She knew her limits and her husband’s. As feeding people is my spiritual gift, I of course said yes.

And then, reflecting, thought … that is friendship. And I am glad about it.

STOP.

Libbie’s Aunt

Posted on June 27, 2008 by vanderbiltwife

Her whole life we have called my little sister Roonie or Roo. I have absolutely no idea why. It is no derivative of her name whatsoever. (By the way, I’ve always felt kind of left out in life because no one has ever given me a nickname, except Jessie or Jess.) So, of course, as soon as I found out I was pregnant Mr. V and I decided we must continue the torture by insisting she should be Aunt Roo. I mean really, Aunt Ashley is just very difficult to say.

Of course, Ashley has just recoiled every time I’ve mentioned this. She hates the nickname. The time I made her dress up and called her Roonie the Clown and we had a carnival in the backyard probably didn’t help.

Well today, she started a new blog. Check out the title of this one, baby. I love it. She’s going to be a wonderful aunt (as will Mr. V’s sister…we will have to come up with some creative nickname for her, too!).

Snapshot, 2001

Posted on February 26, 2008 by vanderbiltwife

Honestly, I am not sure what year it was. Ashley looks old enough she is probably in high school, and she is wearing a New York t-shirt, where we had been in May 2000 for my 18th birthday—that’s a whole other story!

I guess I was home from college on a break or for the summer. This picture hangs in my office, and it makes me giggle almost every time. My mom, dad, and sister are standing behind the dining room table; each place is set with two plates and several glasses; and a small handmade “Kitchen Stadium” sign hangs on the window.

Whatever day this was, I guess Ashley and I were really bored.

My family loves food, and we love the Food Network. Sometime the summer before I got married, I taught myself to cook “by ear” mostly from “30 Minute Meals” (before Rachael was so popular and so obnoxious). We loved the old Iron Chef—none of this pansy stuff where they have American chefs and stuff. In the good old days, there was only Iron Chef Japan, Iron Chef France, and Iron Chef … Chinese? Anyway, there were just three. And they were all Japanese. And we loved the bad subtitling, the squid ice cream, and the revealing of the putrid secret ingredient. Quality entertainment.

So sometime during this pictured day, Ashley and I decided it was about time we had our own Iron Chef competition at the house. We went to the grocery store and debated forever over what the secret ingredient should be. It seemed like hours. We finally decided on water. Yes, water. We bought different kinds of water and took them home. Then we took everything out of the refrigerator and the cupboards and piled it on the counters!

I am sure Mom and Dad were both exhausted after days at work, but they played right along when they got home. They were the head chefs, we daughters the sous-chefs. It was awesome. And then food was great.

And the memory is terribly sweet.

The Field

Posted on February 1, 2008 by vanderbiltwife

My favorite place on the University of Richmond campus was the astroturf field behind Keller Hall, where I lived my sophomore year. To me, it was enchanted. It revealed secrets. My dear friend Michelle and I spent many nights just laying on the cool, green astroturf talking about life and love (and other mysteries, for any Point of Grace fans out there). She did handstands. I did cartwheels. We watched the stars. Michelle had a special relationship with the constellation Orion, and we looked for his belt, and for Kassieopia. I never felt so free as I did laying, looking at the sky, sharing life together.

In my junior year of college, there was one of these nights of falling stars, and Adam and I went to the same field and watched hundreds of stars fall at all hours of the night. Stars are magic to me. My wedding even had a pseudo “silver star” theme if it had any theme at all.

I feel like such an old lady most of the time that the star-watching years seem like eons ago instead of a mere five or six years. I stay in, go to bed at ten, watch TV, go to church…it’s all good, but sometimes I have this glimmer that it’s not all right. I am extremely passionate, and some days I just think I am going to explode for having to live in the mundane. One of those things about being eternal beings, I suppose, that we are so suited for heaven and yet forced to reside on the earth and make the absolute best we can with that time.

This is yet another post I’m afraid to press “publish” on for fear of those who actually know me and read it and will think I’ve lost my mind. But these writings are for me, more than anyone. So here it goes…

Coffee-Induced Memoirs

Posted on January 19, 2008 by vanderbiltwife

This afternoon Adam and I went to Starbucks in Cool Springs because I had a giant headache and was extremely tired. How dependent on caffeine am I? It’s pretty sad. Seduced by the new skinny latte sign, I ordered a caramel skinny latte instead of my normal caramel macchiato (I know, a big adventure, right?!).

I have this thesis that I have no left brain, no real critical side. I am all imagination and senses. Many songs, sounds, smells, and apparently tastes are connected to memories for me. When I had my first sip of latte, I was immediately taken back to another time.

I’m not sure when exactly The Coffee Spot opened–sometime in my senior year or high school or freshman year of college. This was pre-Starbucks in Chesterfield County, and we were ecstatic to have a local coffee shop, a fun place to go to listen to music, relax, hang out with friends. My parents quickly became friends with the owners, Pam and Greg, and we were at Coffee Spot several nights a week. My mom has a severe coffee obsession, someone who doesn’t wake up until she’s had three cups (she is now one of those people who always has a Venti Starbucks cup on her desk). My normal order was either a caramel or butterscotch latte–or one of their special chocolatey drinks.

When Adam and I had been “going out” for approximately three days, I had a choir concert at school that my parents came to. Afterwords, they somehow convinced us to come back to The Coffee Spot with them and Adam met all of my parents’ closest friends….three days!!! Adam was a gem: he charmed the friends, he played chess with my sister’s boyfriend’s little brother, and it was all for the best considering the many times I drug him around to hang out with my parents’ “clique” in future years.

The Coffee Spot closed after a few years, but Greg and Pam remained great friends. When my daddy’s best friend died in 2004, Greg and Dad were both pallbearers. Ashley went on a date with their son once. We’ve fried turkeys in their backyard, played with their giant dog Hagrid, Pam made centerpieces for my wedding. Our families are linked forever, all because of a tiny little coffee place in a strip mall.